Letting Go….is not always easy

As most of you know, I lost my parents a few years ago. And for those of you who have experienced similar losses, you probably also know that it can be really hard to let go of how things were.  This concept of ‘letting go’ (which of course has become common fodder thanks to the Disney movie Frozen and Idena Menzel’s famous song) is pervasive in all aspects of our lives. Business, live trajectories, love life, relationships…. truly in every aspect of life.

At dinner with friends one night recently, I listened as one individual complained about how things had not turned out the way he had hoped, how he had always tried to do the ‘right things’ and he still was not where he thought he’d be at this point in this life. This commentary created an avalanche of conversation among the rest of the folks….funny, most everyone fell ‘short’ in where they thought they would be or ‘should be’ at this stage in their lives. The ‘could of, would of, should of’ discussion took over the dinner table. And this was not limited to just ‘business’….it was in virtually every corner of people’s lives.

Let’s be honest, this conversation is not unique to this evening – we have all heard it many times over the years. We want that promotion. We want another child. We want to retire by a certain age. We want the unconditional love relationship we see in the movies. We want what our parents had. We want our ‘plans’ to come through. We want ‘progress’, yet we want the stability of what we ‘know’.

Need I go on?

Let’s not be confused, I am all for having dreams – after all, aspiring toward our goals, visions of success, and how to optimally contribute is our lifeblood.

What I am suggesting, though, is that when tides shift letting go can create unexpected opportunities. We are often just too stubborn or scared to let go of our rigid plans or expectations, or we are too blind to see that a new door is already open for us. Ironically, the new opportunity may be even bigger, better and brighter than the path we were already on. Yet, we get stuck in a victim mentality of what is happening ‘to us’, we wallow in ‘what isn’t’ – and refuse to take back the reins on our lives. We have all been there – some just decide to stay at that party longer than others.

There is a marvelous book written by colleague, David Emerald, called The Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic). In his book, David offers a wonderfully wise fable which simply discusses the victim mentality we have all been tempted to succumb to; and how to shift this to a mentality of creating our own reality. How to ‘let go’ of limiting patterns and beliefs, and open the door to our unique destination. I loved this book, as it really helped me to realize – I own my life. No one is doing this to me – I am doing it for myself.

That is it. We have to ‘let go’ of those things we can’t change – and change the things we can. It may sound a little like Pollyanna (or from what I am told, a 12-step program). However, to be fair isn’t it often the simplest truths which provide us the sagest guidance? It has certainly helped me let go and begin creating and being in the life I want to live.

One final point, as our nation faces another transition, we will collectively and individually be asked to consider letting go of certain philosophies – on all sides of the partisan equation.

We may be faced with situations we never thought we would have to face. There may be breakups, career changes, health challenges, and lives facing shifting tides. We will be called to stand tall and strong. We will undoubtedly be walking through new doors. We will not be in control over many of these dynamics. What we will have control over will be our individual responses.

Just knowing that – and coming to grips with that reality – is more than enough to weather and thrive in shifting tides; and open our eyes to unexpected doors of opportunity.